After the death of someone your feelings are influenced by many things, this includes your relationship with the person, the circumstances of their death and what support is around you. 

It is important to know what is normal is different for each person and to accept it is ok to have these feelings. 

Different Feelings…

Shock

Even if you thought you were prepared because the death was expected or you have previously lost someone, whatever the circumstances, it is very likely to feel an initial sense of shock. 

Numbness 

It can be like living in fog for the first six months or so. You may feel numb or worry that you haven’t cried much. Feeling numb is a way of our brain helping us cope with very intense and distressing emotions. Gradually the feeling of numbness will go as you go through the grieving process. 

Feeling Overwhelmed

You may find that the full force of your grief hits you straight away and you may cry a lot and although you may have expected to grieve you find this level of emotion is unexpected and you may even get angry that you feel this way. You may find these feelings devestating and worry you are not coping. But over time feelings of grief and loss tend to become less intense and you begin to find a way to live with it. 

Relief

It is not uncommon to feel a sense of relief if the person that dies has been suffering, living with a long term illness or if you have been their main carer. If you feel like this, you may feel guitly for feeling relieved but relief is a normal response. it doesn’t mean you didn’t care for the person or that you are a bad person.

Anger

Anger whilst grieving is very common. Your anger may come and go and might be directed at different reasons. This can include things that did or didn’t happen, that they are no longer here or that they were taken before their time. 

Physical symptoms 

Difficulty sleeping, loss or increase in appetite, headaches and feeling drained are all physical symptoms of grief. These are all normal reactions. Try and be kind to yourself, give yourself the space and care you need and try and resist putting any pressure on yourself. 

How can I cope?

Recognise your emotions 

Many emotions also have physical symptoms. If you are feeling stressed your heart may beat faster, if you are angry you may clench your jaw. Physical symptoms often help us recognise our emotions. When you notice them, you need to make space to feel those emotions which can help you cope with them.